Many American mothers see infants and toddlers who often wake up and need comforting as an ordinary experience of early motherhood. Pamela’s friends and relatives all have their own ways of handling their children’s sleep needs. She and Simon try various methods, but nothing seems to work, and Bean wakes up every night. When Pamela talks to French parents, she learns that almost all of their children learned to sleep through the night by a few months of age. The secret is what Pamela dubs “The Pause”: French parents do not immediately attend to a baby that wakes crying, but rather observe whether intervening is necessary. Sometimes, babies cry while asleep or between sleep cycles and just need a few minutes to fall back asleep. Disturbing this process can form dependency on parental intervention.

This is exactly what happened to Bean. Upon talking to pediatrician Michel Cohen and researcher Hélène de Leersnyder, Pamela discovered that the Pause method only works until about four months of age. Since Bean was already older, Pamela’s only choice was to allow Bean to “cry it out”—basically, cry until getting worn out and falling back asleep. Pamela and Simon tried it for three nights, after which Bean slept through the night.